The Haunting of Winchester House

This film comes from the mega-awesome production house Asylum. You probably already know Asylum from such important works of art as Transmorphers or Mega-Piranha.

The Haunting of Winchester House is a more traditional scary-ghosts-in-the-house story than a lot of Asylum’s other work. While the film itself breaks tradition from their “tie-in” film business it stills follows the Asylum ritual of being hilariously bad.

First off, the plot is about a family who moves into the famed mansion (The Winchester house is like the Amity house’s California brother) with the goal, I assume, of not dying. But you can never tell in a film like this.

The acting is the real specialty of the film. The Dad gives some of the most stilted dialogue I have heard in quite some time. He actually says at one point, “Man, I hate the 19th century” which to me was rather astounding. How can you hate a century? Especially one you didn’t live in? That is like hating blueberries or butterflies. Oh the ridiculousness!

The best character, though, is a guy named Harry Dent. He is a psychic who likes to hang around big creepy houses in the middle of nowhere. He is also very bad at drawing chalk circles under stress or being helpful in any conceivable manner.

Where some ghost stories focus on one key area, Winchester House takes pieces from every haunting story and throws them together. This way, nothing makes sense. Well, except that deaf people are retarded. That message came through loud and clear.

The end of the film nearly made me punch myself in the face. Not because it was extraordinarily bad, no, because somehow in the midst of all my laughing I didn’t actually see it coming. Looking back, I don’t know how I missed it.

Perfect film for a good laugh after a long hard day of hating random things.

Snore Factor: ZZZZ

IMDB 2009


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